I have a secret that I’m not very proud of, something that may shock a few people… every so often I would let myself dream about a life ‘post-Aidan’.
Don’t get me wrong, I never wanted him to die but occasionally I would think about what our life would be like without him. I would imagine that ‘post-Aidan’ we might move to a new house – one that isn’t so close to the hospital, one that might have carpet or even stairs. Perhaps we could take a holiday to somewhere other than Bear Cottage. Maybe I could embark on a new career.
I sometimes hoped that ‘post-Aidan’, Anthony and I could have the life we dreamed of – you know, the one where we go camping and take the kids to sports on the weekends, like something out of a TV show. I imagined that would be our family, version 2.0. Continue reading
Ollie had a cold this week and as I was lying in bed listening to him sniffle I felt a sense of relief. Not that I was pleased he was sick, like all parents I hated to see him suffering and unhappy, but relieved that he had a simple cold. It was the first time in six years that a cold hadn’t put me on high alert. Continue reading
Photo by Dinesh Devgan via SXC
Death is the one thing in life that has more questions than answers. While some people have firm beliefs in what they think happens when someone dies no one really knows for sure. But what about the time before someone dies? Is there really a way people can know? Did Aidan know? Continue reading
Photo by Nafrea via SXC
We all know the story of the boy who cried wolf – the more he cried out for help, the less people believed him. That’s what it was like when Aidan was sick.
I’m yet to meet a terminally ill child who hasn’t had many close calls; times when their families were told to prepare for the worst but the worst didn’t eventuate. Don’t get me wrong, when your child doesn’t die it’s a huge relief, but at the same time it makes you feel like you are creating a drama over nothing. Continue reading
Photo by Carl Dwyer via SXC
During the first week of last school holidays, Anthony, Aidan and I met with Aidan’s general practitioner (GP). It’s something thousands of parents across the world do every week but for us it was not because Aidan had a cough or cold, it was for something far more serious. Continue reading
I was up late feeding Ollie recently when I stumbled across a documentary about an American couple who rode across Mongolia on horseback in an effort to help their autistic son.
While I admire their willingness to give their whole life to their son, I wonder what it means for the rest of us who haven’t gone to such extreme lengths. Continue reading
Photo by Vjeran Lisjak via SXC
Since Aidan’s diagnosis, I have often wondered if it would be easier to lose your child suddenly or live knowing they will one day die. Honestly, it isn’t even comparable.
Losing a child is gut-wrenching, heartbreaking and a million other adjectives all thrown into one and knowing is no more, or no less, painful than not knowing. They’re just different kinds of bad. Continue reading