Religion and the dying child

Photo by James Chan via SXC

Photo by James Chan via SXC

Since I started this blog I’ve skirted around the topic of religion. It’s something people often have very strong and opposing opinions on and I don’t want alienate anyone either way. Except that, when you have a terminally ill child, there is no way of skirting around religion. Your faith and the faith of others is simply unavoidable.

No matter where you stand on religion, it’s hard to avoid in a hospital setting. Bedside visits from hospital chaplains; local church groups giving presents at Christmas; friends, family and random strangers offering to pray for you; gifts of rosary beads and religious tokens – it’s all part and parcel of having a sick child. Continue reading

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Reflecting on a year of change

Farewell 2014Some years come and go with barely a ripple but for Anthony and I,  2014 was a year of extreme highs and extreme lows and was certainly one year that will be forever  etched in our minds.

In January we welcomed a healthy, albeit premmie, baby into our world and began discovering a whole new way of parenting – one that doesn’t involve therapists, medication and tube feeding. Continue reading

The guilt of imagining a life without him

Copyright: <a href='http://www.123rf.com/profile_wavebreakmediamicro'>wavebreakmediamicro / 123RF Stock Photo</a>I have a secret that I’m not very proud of, something that may shock a few people… every so often I would let myself dream about a life ‘post-Aidan’.

Don’t get me wrong, I never wanted him to die but occasionally I would think about what our life would be like without him.  I would imagine that ‘post-Aidan’ we might move to a new house – one that isn’t so close to the hospital, one that might have carpet or even stairs.  Perhaps we could take a holiday to somewhere other than Bear Cottage.  Maybe I could embark on a new career.

I sometimes hoped that ‘post-Aidan’, Anthony and I could have the life we dreamed of – you know, the one where we go camping and take the kids to sports on the weekends, like something out of a TV show. I imagined that would be our family, version 2.0. Continue reading

When it comes to death, is it better to know?

 

Photo by Vjeran Lisjak via SXC

Photo by Vjeran Lisjak via SXC

Since Aidan’s diagnosis, I have often wondered if it would be easier to lose your child suddenly or live knowing they will one day die.  Honestly, it isn’t even comparable.

Losing a child is gut-wrenching, heartbreaking and a million other adjectives all thrown into one and knowing is no more, or no less, painful than not knowing. They’re just different kinds of bad. Continue reading

The way forward

Photo by Michael Faes via SXC

Photo by Michael Faes via SXC

Over the last few weeks I have thought often about the future of this blog. The way I see it, I have three choices:

1. I stop writing all together.
2. I change the focus to writing about grief and my life post Aidan.
3. I continue to talk about the realities of life when you know your child is dying.

Continue reading

No longer in limbo

aidanThis is a very brief post because for once in my life I actually have very little to say.

My brave little boy lost his battle on Friday 18 July.

Although we have expected this for some time, no one is ever prepared for the loss and pain we feel today.

The future of this blog, like my future, remains unknown. I’m sure I will write again but until then I thank everyone for your support thus far and for following me on my journey.