Anthony and I originally joined Facebook as a way of keeping family and friends up to date when Aidan is hospitalised so we can focus more on spending quality time with him and less on responding to messages. However, now it seems the more people that know the harder it is for me to cope during his hospitalisations.
Anthony and I are blessed to have an amazing support group of people who love Aidan dearly and I know many of them want to be with him and call when he’s sick but when Aidan is unwell I find keeping in touch overwhelming.
It seems incredibly ungrateful to shut people out but when trying to keep everyone up to date stresses me out more than Aidan being ill, and when I’m responding to text messages instead of holding my son’s hand, it’s a clear sign my priorities need to change.
So while Aidan has been in hospital this week I’ve purposely avoided sharing the news on Facebook for the sheer fact that I can’t deal with communicating with anyone.
In between comforting Aidan, trying to spend time with Anthony and Ollie and returning to work, I’ve little energy for conversation. Plus as anyone with a child in hospital will tell you, there is very little time to even have a shower in between the constant stream of medical staff, medications and bed changes. Then there’s the fact that watching him suffer like this makes me want to curl up into a ball and cry. I just want to cocoon myself with my little boy and wait for the illness to pass.
So I apologise whole heartedly to anyone I have offended by my selfishness. I apologise for not wanting to speak to you, for not answering my phone and for avoiding the world.
From now on in, I promise to use Facebook as it was intended but please understand if I don’t reply.