Cherished memories

Photo by Gölin Doorneweerd via SXC

Photo by Gölin Doorneweerd via SXC

My heart broke a little more this week as Aidan’s weekly blood results showed his kidneys are close to failing him. Although dialysis is still a little way off, the results have once again reminded me that we are on borrowed time.

It’s times like this, when I reflect on a life without Aidan, that I start obsessing over capturing every detail of his life. I spend a little more time each day staring at him, trying to remember every line of his face, every little word he says. I’m reminded to take more videos and ensure I get all the right photos to remember him by. However, it occurred to me this week that the things I cherish most about Aidan are not the things I can capture in a photo.

I recently read the book, Wilfrid Gordon McDonald Partridge by Australian author, Mem Fox, to Aidan. The book is about a little boy who lives next door to a nursing home. When he overhears his parents saying his special friend, Nancy, is losing her memory he sets out to find what a memory is. He asks the other residents for help and learns that a memory is “something from long ago”, “something that makes you cry”, “something that makes you laugh” and “something as precious as gold”.  Without a doubt my memories of Aidan will be a combination of all these things.

So I’ve started compiling a list of all the things I love about him that cannot be captured on camera. Here’s what I have so far:

  • The way his little hand fits perfectly into mine
  • The way he reaches out this little hand for me to hold when he is vomiting or in need of comfort
  • The phrases he yells when he’s angry with me (in theory I could film these but I’m usually too busy arguing with him)
  • The squishy hugs he gives when I lie next to him in bed
  • The way he tells me he isn’t going to do what I ask while he sets about doing exactly what I ask
  • His incessant talking when I pick him up from school
  • His excitement when he spots a postman as we drive along the street.

These are just the tip of the iceberg. I know there will be thousands more that will come to me long after he has passed, bringing both sorrow and joy.


One thought on “Cherished memories

  1. Thanks for sharing. I’ve forgotten too much of all my children; and I’m not a good picture/video taker so we don’t have a ton of stuff recorded. Keeping a blog for a while helped when my older kids were younger. Memories are so fleeting, especially as I get older. It’s frustrating, and I should write more. Frankly, I have a great hope in a resurrection that will restore us all to perfect health with a perfect memory.
    Aidan is so photogenic, and every photo you’ve posted of him has been wonderful. Your family is beautiful and I am happy for you that you have right now with the four of you. May you be blessed with countless happy moments together.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s